All of us here at Lindsay Publications will be amazed if Lindsay doesn't end up in prison! No one knows how his feud with his neighbors really started. In the beginning it was just TP in the trees. Then at three in the morning it was Iranian folk music played at ear-splitting volume. Now it's heavy artillery!
Recently
Lindsay swiped a section of sewer pipe from a construction crew and hooked
it up to his air compressor to make a deadly cannon. At first he used
it to fire TP into the neighbor's trees like before. Then he moved up
to buckets of mud, emaciated alley cats, bags of garbage,and baskets of
rotting fruit. Then it got ugly.
Lindsay had the cannon loaded and the compressor pumped up. When his neighbor came running out of the house to protest all the junk in his trees, Lindsay let him have it with a load of dog do-do he had scraped off his own front yard. Sp-o-o-o-lat! It was ugly. Big time ugly!
Into the house ran the neighbor. Before long the cops arrived. But that was weeks ago. Since then, Lindsay has been holding them all at bay. No can get close. Not since he hooked the cannon up to his septic tank! And if you know Lindsay, he can make an endless supply of ammunition!
We hate to admit it, but we kinda think Lindsay has won this war. He has sprayed manure over everything. His neighborhood smells so bad anymore that no one but Lindsay himself lives there. It's that bad.
So, if you're having a problem with a neighbor, for a small fee, we'll send Lindsay and his sewer pipe cannon over to help you. Just be sure your septic tank is full!
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