Lindsay
Heats His House By Burning Oil AND Water!
Most scoundrels just sneak out at night and siphon gas. Not Lindsay! He siphons oil out of crankcases! Because it tastes better? No!
He takes it home and runs it through his magnetostatic demoleculizer and burns it with tap water in that old furnace in the basement. He claims that with just one part oil and ten parts water he can heat his house all winter. And since it he steals the oil, he only pays for a few gallons of water and a kilowatt-hour of electricity. He stays cozy warm all winter for just a couple of dollars.
Does
it work? Too well. When he tried it in his original furnace, he generated
such a terrifically hot flame that he melted the furnace. He replaced
it with an old cast iron monster built in the 20's. Since then his secret
process has attracted the attention of free energy buffs who believe he
may have, at last, found a source of free, or almost free energy.
They parade up and down the sidewalk with binoculars hoping to get a peak at the invention. We don't care. We're so fed up with Lindsay's weirdness that we hope to use the furnace to cook his goose.
Speaking of weirdness, check out our bizarre catalog. If it was strange last time, the books are even worse now. Maybe you can build something off-the-wall and get yourself run out of town for being a mad scientist!
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