Lately, the Postmaster
Has been stuffing
STRANGE MAIL in Lindsay's Post Office Box.
In fact, one day, Lindsay actually discovered one of his customers there wedged between a stack of letters and packages. Or should I say, one of his former customers.
This gentleman had purchased so many useful how-to books from Lindsay over the years, that he routinely would disappear into his basement laboratory for weeks at a time. More than once, his lonely wife hired search teams to look for him.
Recently, after he didn't return from the basement for almost six months even after she yelled down to him that the new Lindsay catalog had arrived (an old trick she had used many times before), she found the courage to venture into the cellar herself. There to her dismay, she found her husband very cold and very stiff yet with a big smile on his face. He had passed on to that big laboratory in the sky doing what he enjoyed doing most...
Worse, she discovered her husband had canceled his life insurance so he could use the money to buy supplies and essential equipment. She had no money left to bury him. And she "knew" it was Lindsay's fault.
To get even with Lindsay and his evil book business she sent her very rigid former husband via Priority Mail to Lindsay, and told him to dispose of the remains. Lindsay almost freaked out!
Ever since then, he collects his mail wearing a surgical mask and rubber gloves. The moral? Lindsay books are great, but you should periodically come out of the basement to let friends and relatives know you're still breathing.
Please! Lindsay and his Postmaster don't need any more mail like this!
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